Summertime Sadness the Real Story – Day 185 – HALFWAY (I convince Sam he likes Lana Del Rey live on Air)

HALF WAY! Today marks the halfway point of my year long journey. My friend Sam asked me to come on his radio show at phoenix radio. So I asked if I could write him a story live on air. He agreed. I asked him to give me a song that he hated live at 3:30 today- then I had an hour to write the backstory to that song to convince him the song was good. He told me he hated Lana Del Rey’s Summertime Sadness (listen here). So I set to work in the studio. At 4:30 I was done and he invited me back on air to read the results. 

The lyrics talk of a girl all dressed up asking for one last kiss before someone leaves. I thought about kissing and remembered an episode of Radio Lab podcast (listen here) about how vampire bats look like they kiss each other- but are in fact feeding their friends by spitting blood into the others mouth. And thus this story came to be: 

When they first found the babe they tried to feed her blood. But the babe just wailed. After much trial and error they learnt the babe would eat fruit.

And so the babe grew into a girl. They named her Lana, meaning ‘glowing’ in Battish, for she was their light in the dark.

During the day, they would nestle round her and rest. Lana would look up at her hundreds of doting parents, their eyes glinting down at her from the cave walls. At night, a few would stay with Lana and the rest would leave the cave to feast and find her fruit.

But the girl did not stay a girl forever. And when she turned 16, the bats could see the sadness in her eyes. So they gathered a mass of fruit and stole human clothing from washing lines during the night. In the morning they told her she must go. She must see her own kind.

The cave filled with the sonic echoes of sadness as Lana left, her translucent white skin glowing in the summer sun. 


Are you willing to brave harrowing Winds? – Day 183 – Forms

I’m going to be doing some filming for a lecturer. He opened the official employee form and suddenly the energy was sucked from the room. He looked at me, I looked at him, I could sense we both agreed: forms are the most boring bores of borevill. But perhaps not all…

What is your current fitness level?

Are you bilingual?

Are you willing to brave harrowing winds?

Is your hearing sensitive to high and prolonged tones?

How much fabric weight can you bear?

Can you battle against strange sparkly creatures under the pressure of a watching audience?

Are you scared of heights, gimp suits and/or have an irrational fear of white pants?


Please click “submit” to lodge your application as a Eurovision Song Contest contestant.

It’s a whole new Word! – Day 182 – Dee and Susan

Dee and Susan don’t like reading slang in the wrong context. 

Darren has no TV, no internet and speaks mostly to his cattle. He likes making up sayings. His latest is “y’all” as in “y’all ready to be milked?” and “booyah” as in “can I get a booyah milk’s making some moolah!”On Sundays he covers his white ute in Northern Territory rust as he drives into Town for his weekly “scratch-off” (scratchie). People in town don’t understand his sayings.

“Mate I don’t think po po’s gonna catch on, stick to blue heelers.”

One day, Darren wins his scratch-off. He books plane tickets to America, it’s the first brochure he picks up at the travel agents.

When he arrives the girl says “An Australian? Booyah!”

Everyone in America understands Darren. But Darren hates it, his one unique talent has been taken from him. When Darren gets back to the farm, he comes up with all new words. “Stonking” “porkies” and “chip-butty” are a few of his favourites, he’s sure no one’s thought of those.

Eclipse – Day 161 – Kate’s Solar Crushing Experience

I got this from Kate:

“So, I missed the lunar eclipse but i was so happy because there was a solar eclipse the following week – but then I got so excited that I looked directly at it and my eyes burned so bright that it blocked all the world out and then the sun disappeared behind the mountain before I had a chance to regain my full sightedness. I lost. I lost both times.”

Hopefully this story makes your feel a little better about it all Kate…

Painting fueled the fire that lit up her eyes. The sun made them burn the brightest. She must have painted it thousands of times, but she never quite captured the movement or the energy. It had started in her house but eventually sunrays spilled out into the street and burned their way through the streets.

She’d start painting during the day and continue through the night, the image of the sun seared into her retinas even in the dark. One night she closed her eyes and painted by feel, looking at the negative of the sun projected onto the insides of her eyelids. Finished, she opened her eyes, but nothing changed. All was dark. She never saw again.

The painting now hangs in the city centre and is known as her best work. People ‘oh’ and ‘ahh’ wondering if the paint is moving or if the canvas really is glowing. Some sit in front of it for days and have to be shooed away by security, but she will never set eyes on her masterpiece.Some say once she captured her subject there was nothing left to fuel the fire in her eyes, others say don’t look into the sun.

Once a Gremlin – Day 160 – Michael’s Bank Card

I got this facebook comment from Michael yesterday: Lost my wallet the other day… that was pretty annoying. Then it turned up in my room after I cancelled my bank card.” It made me think of a sequel to yesterday.

I hadn’t been making my targets for a long time. In the end I was sleeping through my morning shifts and living off the company honey. I always wanted to be a luck fairy, orchestrating good coincidences for people, but there isn’t much social mobility in the Gremlin world. Fairies look down on us and my parents were always telling me about their fight for Gremlin rights. In secret I applied for as many local luck fairy positions as I could. Only one would take me. I turned up for my trial shift, all I had to do was find a man’s lost wallet and return it to him without being seen. I was so nervous about being seen, that I dropped the wallet several times on the way to his house. I placed it on his bed and waited anxiously. I couldn’t believe I’d done it, perhaps this was the day everything would change. I should have known then, once a gremlin, always a gremlin. While I had been nervously fumbling with his wallet, he had cancelled his bank card. 


Busy morning – Day 159 – Socks

I look at my watch, 6:00am, I’m running late. I lug my bucket through the crack in the wall and quickly locate the kitchen. The sound of you stumbling around trying to pull on your jeans tells me I just have time. In front of the fridge I pour a subtle spot of water and honey (for extra stick). Then I grab a handful of sand and dirt and scatter it along the path you’d take to the toaster. I hear the door to your room open and rush back to the crack. I didn’t even get time to hide one of your new matching socks, or pull out the stretch the elastic around the top. I suppose I’ll just have to make up for it at the next house, a sock gremlin’s work is never done.

Body – Day 158 – Car

This car was in front of me today and makes me and my friends irrationally angry but then I thought about its plight; the conflict of being a four wheel drive poorly disguised as an inner city sports car. 



Roaring rural heart

in metropolitan skin

bound to city streets 

Donation – Day 157 – Charity

Yesterday arvo I was stopped outside the chemist by some charity people. I find charity mugging to be a very elaborate and polite conflict where you have to fight to actually get out of them what they want from you. In the end I didn’t sign up but they did give me an idea.

“Hi you look like friendly how’s your day been?”

“Yeah alright”

“Sorry what’s your name?”


“Wow that’s a beautiful name. Tell me Minu are you single at the moment?”

“Er, no.”

“Alright! Nice one, that’s perfect. Today we’re signing couples up for free.”

“For what?”

“We’re all about love, it’s the most important thing in life wouldn’t you say Minu?”

“I guess.”

“So Minu, you fall into our great couples package, it’s just an easy payment of 4 dates per month. That’s only one a week or you can allocate to be part of our flirt sessions which works out to just one compliment per day. Do you think that’s something you and your partner would be interested in?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Love Bird is a charity dedicated to capturing love and giving it to those who need it most. We’re at the cutting edge of love science and technology and we’re currently working on capturing it in chemical form, which is pretty amazing wouldn’t you agree Minu?”

“Um amazing and somewhat disturbing.”

“I know science and love is something people don’t usually put together but we are dedicated to providing for the lonely, and what’s better than helping those in need by giving us a bit of your excess love?”

“Hang on, giving? We can’t give you excess love?”

“Most happy couples find they have love to spare. Break ups do occur but we nearly always get letters from those couples thanking us for helping them realise their relationship wasn’t strong enough. So we just need your name and number, the first month is reduced to only 1 date which will ease you guys in.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to sign up. I gotta go.”

“No worries thanks for the chat Minu, take a flier in case you change your mind. Can I have a one off cuddle donation before you go?” 

Childish – Day 156 – Ben

I do agree Ben, in fact, there is one childish act that runs in my family which I really dislike. So I thought up this story.

Once there were two brothers. They took it in turns to look after their little sister Cari. The first brother would set up nest eggs in Cari’s name and park her in front his oversized TV. The second taught her to skip everywhere, just like he did, and bought chocolate milks that would sticky their fingers. One day when the second brother dropped Cari off covered in paint with tangled frizzy hair, the first brother lost it.

“You’re late again. Look at her!”

“I know, she looks so cute. We had a coloured water bomb fight.”

“The state of her hair.”

“I was the last one to the car last night, so she was allowed to pick our outfits today. She calls it witchy-chic.”

“She’ll never grow up with you around. You’re so childish! I’m taking her for two weeks this time.”


The brothers argued in unison, “She likes it better at my place!”

The second brother grinned at Cari, “Jinx! Can’t say it back!”

The first brother grabbed Cari’s hand and walked silently inside, as the second called out.

“C’mon we’re brothers I don’t want to fight. It’s Cari’s life, shouldn’t she have a say?”

But the door closed and remained that way every time he came back to talk. The second brother left phone messages, letters, flowers, and even an expensive digital watch that he thought his brother would like. But there was no reply.

Inside the house, the first brother had made a pile of these letters and was trying to stuff them into the bin. Cari watched.

“You’re being childish,” she said.

“He’s the one… he was hogging yo-”

He stopped on hearing himself, “what should I do Cari?”

And so she devised a plan which involved screaming into pillows, painting their emotions, and drinking chocolate milk. When they had finished they went to the second brother’s house, covered in paint with sticky chocolate fingers.

“Cari says we should shake hands and say sorry.”

The second brother smiled and extended his hand.

“Ew sticky fingers! Seriously though, who’s hiding the chocolate milk?”

Tangled – Day 155 – Frustration

Thoughts tangled

Mangled words hissed in my ear 

I fear we’re too entwined

Blind frustration

The foundation for our relation is weak

Meek and flimsy like you

Too much of our bond is a song

It’s wrong and the melody crackles

You tackle the problem by breaking up

I’m waking up finally finding the root

Using brute force I tug the cord

Awed by the sudden music that floods my hearing

You’re endearing once more

I adore you, we are smitten again

The pain of tangled headphones forgotten


The first of ‘Conflict’ May and I’ve started us off on a silly one. Tangled earphones is something that makes me irrationally angry.