Today I pulled out “Held hostage in a traffic jam” which came from a twitter conversation I had with the traffic guy at ABC radio on the very first day of my challenge.
I was sitting in traffic, enjoying the privacy of my tinted windows, belting out Robbie Williams when the door opened. A man climbed inside. He looked just like robbers do in films, bag of cash and all. He even said “Drive!”
I told him I couldn’t, I was stuck in traffic. He looked up for the first time and let out a stream of amazingly misused abuse. Things like “those bitchers sent me on a wild fucking goof chase!”
“At least you waited for me. Thanks. They told me to look for the ugly tinted car,” he had finished.
I’d gone to protest but then felt anxious he might have a gun, so I asked him how much he got.
Nothing. In fact, he’d held up a pet store with what turned out to be a water pistol and had been laughed out of the store. His supposed mates had tricked him. I felt bad for him. But he needed to know I wasn’t the driver either.
When I told him he pulled a knife (albeit the wrong way at first) and said I was now his hostage. He couldn’t have me telling everyone. Just I was feeling genuinely afraid of this nutter, he suddenly stops and looks at the CD player.
“Is this Robbie?” he asked.
“Well, perhaps I’ll let you go this once. But don’t squeak! I don’t take kindly snatches!”
I didn’t even have time to tell him it was “snitches” before he was gone. At least it was an interesting drive home.