So today I got my dad to pull a story out of the pot, when he pulled out:
“In 2153, a private detective and his robot sidekick are swept up in a conspiracy that threatens the very fabric of the universe.”
I freaked out. But eventually I got to this…
“When was The Princess Bride released?” Rob asks.
“I said I knew virtual experiences,” Pemberton says, “not classic old films! Give me a break. I’m all human, not a bloody downloader like you. I still like manual Google. I’m old school like that.”
“Released 1987. You’re a private detective Pemberton, you could do with a memory implant. Get with the times,” Rob teases. “Oh, I’ve finished buffering. Network Leaks has an update. They’ve cracked the science database. I’m gonna be a genius!”
“I told you,” says Pemberton, “don’t stream their updates, they could be dangerous!”
“They’ve been useless so far,” Rob snorts. “Anyway, how else are we supposed to keep tabs on them?”
Rob’s voice cuts out. White noise and static fill the auditorium. The lights go up. Pemberton stands on stage.
“This is where Rob’s memory reconstruction hard drive cut out,” he explains looking into the audience. The distinct TEDDY sign floats behind him.
“Most of you know the rest of the story,” Pemberton continues. “The virus took a hold of Rob just like all the downloaders worldwide. His software couldn’t handle the mass of scientific knowledge pulsing through his systems. He was driven mad. Started re-enacting experiments and reciting Pi.”
“I found the one virtual news station still broadcasting. This is when I saw the reports that thousands of infected downloaders were storming the Hadron Collider. I knew I had to stop the stream or they might accidentally create a black hole.”
“I’m sad to say I ripped out Rob’s hardware and loaded it onto my computer. I could track the signal. I found Network Leaks’ headquarters. They must have all been downloaders too and the place was abandoned. I turned off the live stream and the virus ran its course, leaving most infected downloaders too weak to survive.”
“For the last 5 years since, I’ve been campaigning for restrictions on sentient software. But that’s not to say being a downloader doesn’t have its place. We would be no-where without them. I would be nowhere without Rob. And ironically as I look at the statistics-bot now, this is already the most downloaded TEDDY talk ever” he finishes to the sound of the applause.