Reset – Day 302 – Memories

I’ve been listening to radiolab (listen here) and they were talking about memory and how scientists have determined that the more you recall a memory the further the memory gets from what actually happened (because each time you remember something you change it a bit). 

I thought about him everyday. He left when I was 7. I remembered everything, him pushing me on the swings, buying me ice cream, taking me to the movies. It hurt to remember but I couldn’t stop. He’d been so good to me. I was constantly wondering why he left and trying to track him down. I could only assume I’d done something wrong, been a bad child. Why else would he leave?

After years of searching for him, I heard that the more you remembered something the less true that memory was. I felt cheated, I must have thought of those memories millions of times. I didn’t want to lose what little I had of him.

I wanted to press reset on my memories, so I decided that I would reconstruct them while I waited to find him. I tracked down all the people that I remembered were there, at the swing, the ice cream shop, the movies. Their memories would be clearer. I was going to press reset.

But when I found them, it wasn’t what I was expecting. My childhood friend from the park told me he only remembered me falling off the swing and my dad telling me to get back on despite my tears. The corner shop owner told me she gave us the ice creams for free because he’d spend our money on cigarettes, and the ticket checker said she only remembered us because he left me alone in the cinema to go the pub.

I stopped looking for him after that.

When We Were 10 – Day 300 – Krysten “talk to younger self”

Krysten donated a very reflective idea weeks ago to write something I would say to my 10 year old self. I talked to young me before- but never this young. Wish me luck.

“Wow, you’re so old, you must be like 22 or something ancient. You must have everything sorted.”

“Hey! I’m not old, I’m a young person! And before you ask, no, I don’t have a proper job or own a house or a dog, and I’m not married. It turns out you don’t just magically know everything when you turn 20.”

“Not even a dog? What have you been doing all this time?”

“Well I have learnt a few things, do you want to hear them or not?”

*little Freya nods*

“Right now you listen to your parents’ music, Madness, The Clash, The Specials. But you’re about to go through a massive “smash hits” phase because you think that’s the key to being cool. It’s not.”

“But how will I be cool if I don’t know all the words to Beyonce?”

“Actually you’re right little Freya, that would make us pretty cool. But that music you listen to at the moment isn’t as uncool as you think. Also I think you’re quite excited that boob growth is imminent, am I right?”

“No… well a little bit, all the other girls are wearing crop tops already!”

“I’m sorry to break it to you but they aren’t coming for another 4 years, and when they do appear… just don’t get disappointed. You’re going to love them one day.”

“Okay stop talking about gross stuff already. What’s next?”

“This is last and most important thing… please don’t pick up the habit of saying ‘like’ all the time. I can’t get rid of it, but maybe you can change the future?”

“Er, okay. I guess I could, like, try or something.”

Remind me of the Babe – Day 299 – Baby Reflections

This month is about reflection, and I want ideas- where are the best places to reflect? Who are the best people to reflect with? What’s the best reflective anecdote you have for me?

Lucy suggested: “kids seeing their reflection for the first few years is pretty entertaining!”

So here we go, written from a baby perspective… 

The mirror lies. The mirror says “you are a tiny sack of fat and dimples and other baby bits.” But I am more than that. Before the mirror I was thoughts and smells and feelings.