Yesterday arvo I was stopped outside the chemist by some charity people. I find charity mugging to be a very elaborate and polite conflict where you have to fight to actually get out of them what they want from you. In the end I didn’t sign up but they did give me an idea.
“Hi you look like friendly how’s your day been?”
“Yeah alright”
“Sorry what’s your name?”
“Minu.”
“Wow that’s a beautiful name. Tell me Minu are you single at the moment?”
“Er, no.”
“Alright! Nice one, that’s perfect. Today we’re signing couples up for free.”
“For what?”
“We’re all about love, it’s the most important thing in life wouldn’t you say Minu?”
“I guess.”
“So Minu, you fall into our great couples package, it’s just an easy payment of 4 dates per month. That’s only one a week or you can allocate to be part of our flirt sessions which works out to just one compliment per day. Do you think that’s something you and your partner would be interested in?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Love Bird is a charity dedicated to capturing love and giving it to those who need it most. We’re at the cutting edge of love science and technology and we’re currently working on capturing it in chemical form, which is pretty amazing wouldn’t you agree Minu?”
“Um amazing and somewhat disturbing.”
“I know science and love is something people don’t usually put together but we are dedicated to providing for the lonely, and what’s better than helping those in need by giving us a bit of your excess love?”
“Hang on, giving? We can’t give you excess love?”
“Most happy couples find they have love to spare. Break ups do occur but we nearly always get letters from those couples thanking us for helping them realise their relationship wasn’t strong enough. So we just need your name and number, the first month is reduced to only 1 date which will ease you guys in.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to sign up. I gotta go.”
“No worries thanks for the chat Minu, take a flier in case you change your mind. Can I have a one off cuddle donation before you go?”
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