The Closet with you – Alex Donald

You and me in the closet. My older sister had told me it’s what you do with boys at parties, and now you were just inches away from me in the closet. I breathed deeply and then immediately regretted it, inhaling a large amount of loose fur from my nan’s fur coat. I was nervous, what happened in the closet?

After what seemed like far too long I realised that the closet didn’t have the answers, I was meant to know what happened next and I didn’t. Anticipation turned into fear and embarrassment. Luckily the next thing you said was, ‘You read that book Narnia then? I got all the videos too.’  

Virgin Condom Oscar Jonsson.

When Jenny went down to do a routine quality check on the factory floor she found that one of the machines had malfunctioned and each condom it produced looked exactly like the Virgin Mary. It became an office joke that turned into a niche underground market, that turned into a global best seller, but only a brave few ever admit to buying them.

Seahorse Men’s Liberation Mag- Oscar Again

A Short Essay on Gender equality the Male Perspective.

After seeing  Oscar Jonsson’s run at Hand to the Queen end last week, it became clear that Seahorse kind is still not ready for a male in a position of power. It’s sad to admit but I fear that the veins of matriarchy run to deep in our society.

One of the burning topics I hear around the sea anemone at lunch is our right to decide on safe abortion. Unfortunately most of the traditional matriarch doesn’t see our bodies as our right. In fact I think this issue will be lost amongst the sea weed, particularly after outspoken feminist Therese Albert was elected as minister for horsemen. Currently Seamonkeys have a more advanced gender political system than us.

Nevertheless I hold out hope, and dream someday to see a King on the throne.

Celeb Stalker – Oscar Jonsson

I can feel my knees turning to jelly and mind seeping out my ears. I always get this feeling when I am star struck. And it looks like Johnny Depp no less. This is a big one for my books. Not that I have a book, I just happen to like hanging out at LA Airport. I like the atmosphere, and what celeb doesn’t love a good dedicated fan? I walk up to him on the two wobbling pillars I usually call my legs. He is asleep. Then I spot it. It’s awful, he got a goatee? Must be for a role. Still I can’t bring myself any closer, I hate goatees. Why have so many of the stars that live around here suddenly got them I wonder?